today’s sigh brought to you with a large dose of contentment.
i have had a very long week. [tuesday felt like it should have been friday.] i have worked four times as hard as i normally have to. my great-grandmother is dying. i haven’t done half of what i wanted to accomplish this week. the house is still messy. i went home sick today.
and i am content.
it’s a good thing that feelings are generally inexplicable, because this one certainly is. by all rights, i should be angry, upset, depressed, or something of the like. i keep thinking that i ought to be pouting about something.
i can’t seem to bring myself to do it.
all during this week, when i have needed so much to get through it, a strange phenomenon has occurred: i have gotten everything i needed, and i have seen it and said thank you.
tuesday and wednesday i knew i didn’t need to be by myself — that i would only sink into a black funk if left alone. during the course of those two days, i have seen or talked to nearly everyone i love. i have had two out-of-town friends call me out of the blue — just when i needed it. i had lunch with one of my best girlfriends yesterday. i have seen people on icq that i haven’t talked to in months. kit came over last night after work and helped me make gumbo. i have had unexpected time with several others. and each time i recieved each of these gifts, i saw that it was exactly what i needed at that moment — that something else could have done, but nothing could have done as much good.
i had someone tell me what a wonderful friend i am. one girl showed me how well i’m doing in my life by telling me about hers. whether or not they intended it, i have felt love from each of these people — because something greater than any of us humans alone was using them to help me.
they may never know how wonderful they are, but i am doing my damndest to show them.