The paperwork is done. I am still not satisfied.
I am about to enjoy an entire week at home — free from the stress of deadlines and class schedules, chock full of quality time with some of my dearest. Why, then, am I wasting my energy haranguing myself about paperwork not done properly? I allowed it to be so; why continue this self-inflicted brow-beating, when there is nothing more to be done about it?
In the dwindling hours before my departure on a so-called vacation, I am nearly consumed by the feeling that I simply want to give up and go home. Permanently. No more graduate school, no more classes, student loans, writing assignments — no more bowing to other people’s expectations of what I should or should not do.
…except that I am not being reasonable. I feel depressed and self-defeating, and there is no reason that I should not finish this degree, save my own cowardice.
… and for some reason, this internal mental abuse is supposed to help.
There has to be another way. Be the world as it may — there is always another option. Look for the open window.