[x-posted to the LiveJournal]
I have a dear, sweet friend of mine who is getting married in April. Due to unforeseen circumstances (medical problems for the groom, Hurricane Katrina for both families in general) there has been a general unsettledness about the wedding plans. First they were going to have it at home in Mississippi, then they were going to have it in Hawaii where they live, then back at home in Mississippi, then they were going to have a civil ceremony in Hawaii with a blessing of the wedding elsewhere later (back at home, or abroad somewhere). Now plans are back to what’s closest to the original — the acutal wedding ceremony in Mississippi on the original date.
So far so good, right?
I got an email not five minutes ago informing the bridesmaids that the color scheme was changing. (Yep, you guessed it — I’m a bridesmaid. Actually I’m the maid of honor. And I’m singing too.) And I don’t just mean “girls I decided that those pink dresses wouldn’t work for everyone, so we’re going with the green we’d talked about” — no. No more pink/sage/ivory. It’s now blue/white/yellow country French. I have no idea what the dresses will look like, although I’m grateful for the “I get to wear a blue dress” part.
But a sudden change like this, halfway to the wedding… kind of has me… concerned.
I know this girl. She’s been notoriously indecisive in her life, and it looks like that hasn’t changed as much as I thought it has. It looks like I’m going to need all my flexibility and patience for this one. I have a sneaking suspicion that this thing is going to get a lot bigger than she wanted it.
I’ve seen huge weddings before. My cousin got married a few years ago, and there were 21 in the wedding party alone — including bride, groom, and minister. Eighteen attendants. I have never seen so much ugly pink satin in my life.
I guess if I get to go through other people’s horrible weddings, I’ll learn what NOT to do, should I ever have one of my own.
First lesson I’m learning from this girl’s wedding: I don’t have to invite anyone I don’t want to. Period. I’m old enough that I don’t really need most of the gifts that people would buy because they got invited. I don’t want to invite anyone just because they’ll get me a present if I do. I don’t need a lot of stuff in my life. I’d rather be surrounded by my close loved-ones and keep things simple. All that hullaballoo is for the birds.
I also don’t want to subject any of my dearest ones to bridesmaid dresses. At all. Dresses yes, but simple ones, that fit them, preferably that they have already, or that are basically church dresses. None of this micro-managing for perfect color co-ordination.
I know that some would argue: but that’s what weddings are about. The ritual is there, yes indeed, but to me the important part of the ritual is not the bridesmaids dresses and matching bouquets or decorated sanctuaries or perfect receptions. It’s about the love, people. It’s all about the love.
Sometimes love means accepting the possibility of ugly pink satin.