If I ever have a child, and they come home with an Abstinence-Only textbook, I’m taking them out of school. Period. No questions asked.
Of course, since I don’t have a child, I can still laugh at this garbage:
Originally posted here. Be sure to look at the rest of Anna’s art too — she’s brilliant, and brilliantly funny!
On second thought, I’m not laughing all that much, but I can analyze them. ‘Cause that’s what I do.
#25: Prove you love ME by waiting.
I don’t actually have a problem with this one — if someone isn’t ready, they’re not ready. Of course, saying “I’m not ready” is #1 in MY book — this one turns waiting into a Test of Love, not necessarily Proof of Respect.
#24: I’m too busy working on my reputation.
Plays right into sex == shameful. This was a big one in my experience, and definitely has negative affects. So no. Not good. Also assumes that someone will ‘kiss and tell’, or rather, that one person’s sexuality (at least) is public property. See also: Madonna/Whore dichotomy, Cult of Virginity.
#23: I’d rather take a cold shower, it’s safer.
Because sex is Teh Dangerous!OMGWTFBBQ!!!!11eleven. I mean, IF YOU’RE NOT PREPARED FOR IT, you might be at risk for disease! And the woman will, of course, have a baby, because sex causes babies.
#22: I look much better with my clothes on.
As if we weren’t taught to hate our bodies enough, it’s now an excuse to not get naked with a Member of the Opposite Sex. (Despite my mother’s sage advice re: body tolerance: ‘Don’t worry, when you’re naked with a man, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”) We have to hide the Horrible Ugliness that is our sexual selves. ‘Cause only pure is beautiful.
#21: Sex is not a game. I might lose.
Besides the obvious lack-of-logic, it’s setting up sex as a
battle competition (but != a game!) in which someone WILL HARM the other.
#20: I want to make sure you like me for me.0
Again, the same as #25. If the respect is there, then pressuring doesn’t happen. Punkt. If “I’m not ready” isn’t good enough, neither are they.
#19: That’s the same line people have been using throughout history. It’s not going to work on this modern, progressive person!
Because fear of sex and sexuality isn’t old, or traditional. And having sex before you’re married, even if you’re using your best judgment, contraception and protection against disease, isn’t modern or progressive.
#18: If you think I’m going to fall for that, you obviously don’t know who you’re talking to.
Comment withheld, mainly because I’m trying to even think of a situation where it would be needed, besides someone wheedling for sex. So, See #25, #22.
#17: I’d hate to lose my virginity; I hear it’s hard to find.
OK, I’ll admit that one gave me a giggle, until I saw the cult of virginity inherent in it. Virginity != a woman’s worth! See also: Madonna/Whore dichotomy, Women as Property.
#16: I’d rather dance, alone.
*doubletake* Was that a MASTURBATION reference? In an Abstinence Only textbook? I thought whacking off was second only to abortion on the top ten list of What Kills Babies?
#15: I wish you cared enough to keep your hands to yourself.
A wish is rather impotent, don’t you think? How about: “Yo, I said no, get out my house!” Or “Keep yo hands to yoself, foo!” Or something.**
#14: “Real men or women don’t even ask.”
That’s right, because they know their rights, and just go ahead without a by-your-leave. Because asking isn’t respectful, says the Home Office of Respect International. *gag*
#13: If I ever go out with you again, please bring your self control.
A little dose of hope in a pound of condescension. How’s that for Holier-Than-Thou?
#12: Of course you can wait, you’re not a rabbit.
Ditto #13 in attitude. Love the allusion to ‘fucking like bunnies’.
#11: I’d rather break up than break out with herpes.
Because all sex leads to STDs. Especially if you don’t know about condoms or other barrier methods.
#10: Maybe they do on TV, but this is real life, not fiction, no commercials.
Did that make any sense to anyone? Anyone?
#9: I’ve got to stand for something, so I don’t fall for anything.
Classic sex == amoral argumentation. Be stronger in your faith and you won’t have to worry about the dangers of Teh Sex ™!!
#8: I may be a loser today, but at least I’ll be around tomorrow.
WTF??? Sex == death now. The ‘little death’ isn’t so little anymore? Scare tactics extraordinaire.
#7: Of course it’s part of our nature; so are germs.
But aren’t ‘germs’ the type of stuff that makes you sick, i.e., not natural? Ah, but sex before marriage == deviant == sick. Gotcha. See also: #13.
#6: I love you too, and that’s why I’m saying no.
Not much more to say on this type. See also: #25, #22.
#5: Curiosity killed the cat.
Yet another non sequitur. Sex isn’t just dangerous for ME, it’s dangerous for YOU. My reasons aren’t good enough! You have to protect yourself from my sexay! See also: Vagina Dentata.
#4: We’ll each have to look at ourselves in the mirror tomorrow.
Because sex is so LIFE CHANGING that we’ll not recognize ourselves. But everyone else will know we’ve had Teh Sex. With each other. Just by looking at us. Or maybe we won’t be able to look at ourselves because of all the Guilt ™ because we’ve made a decision as consenting adults.
#3: All of my zippers are locked anyway.
That’s right, the clothes I’ve chosen (or that were chosen for me) are specifically designed to impede (un)wanted advances. My entire wardrobe is a chastity belt! See also: Purity balls, Women as Property.
#2: No, I won’t change my mind next week, either.
Expect to be harassed for sex: it’s normal. See also: #25, #22, #6.
AND, the kicker:
#1: I spent all week deciding what to wear and three hours getting ready. If you think you are going to mess this up, you are sadly mistaken!
Because all these clothes were For You ™, I can’t possibly take them off! It took Too Much Time and Energy ™ for me to just ruin for you! Again, this ignores the crucial “I don’t want to” message that we’re not allowed to give, that’s not enough of an answer without an accompanying excuse or justification.
Bonus! This is playing right into the “but she asked for it” rape apologist garbage. Tell me someone somewhere won’t read this and hear: “I Wanted to Look Good For You But No Ding-Ding Without A Ring!” and translate it into “S/He’s being a tease”.
The more I read and think about this, the more I see where my own feelings of Guilt ™, Shame ™ and Insecurity ™ came from. Most of this stuff was taught to me (in a church setting, admittedly), and looking at it in print, all collected together, I start to see some of the patterns.
Which leaves me with the question of the moment: What do you see?
*NOTE: This is, every bit, written from my perspective. What I see here is a way of subjugating girls/women, and I don’t really see much of this applying to boys/men. If you have a different perspective than my het female one, please share in the comments. Trollishness, however, will be dealt with as always.
**Apparently tough == Mr. T. I need some feminist heroes, STAT!