This blog is paved with good intentions.

One of which, naturally, was to do an I ❤ my body post on Valentine’s Day, which has, of course, come and gone. I will still put that one up, I think, although in my own time. I hadn’t read much on FA and HAES in a while, but it struck me that the one love letter I could truly write (well, semi-publicly) was one to myself.

As it is, life happens, and my energy isn’t what it once was. For good reason, of course. The first trimester does that to a woman, I understand; and I’m understanding firsthand these days.

That’s right, I’m going to be a Mommy-Blogger.

One of the reasons that FA and HAES are so important to me right now is for that very reason: that my body is about to undergo some massive changes, and that if I don’t start out from a place of acceptance, I’m just going to drive myself crazy. What energy I have left that isn’t being sucked away to support the Plus Sign (as I have affectionately termed the growing embryo/fetus) is being devoted to keeping me sane and happy, generally taking care of myself, and resisting the years of self-criticism and self-judgment based on my physical form.

I mean, seriously. I was embarrassed by how ‘fat’ I was when I had to buy a size 10 swimsuit, even though I’m much bigger now. I have stretch marks already, and have had for years. I’m going to do some of the things that mothers everywhere recommend (lotion daily, exercise, prenatal vitamins, yoga, etc.) but they have to be for my health and well-being, and not for those pesky niggling ideas from the outside world that basically boil down to “I’m not good enough”. (I am extremely grateful not to have cable right now, thereby cutting down on said messages a bit.)

So. I have to do the lotion thing so my skin will feel good/better, and not because I’m afraid of getting More Stretchmarks ZOMG! (TM). I have to exercise because it might help me fight lethargy, and not so I will Lose Weight (TM).

This, to me, is the essence of Fat Acceptance: caring for the body because it’s my body and it deserves to be cared for, and letting the results be what they will be. I want to be strong, and flexible, and active. Thin is no longer important. If I have to buy new pants, whether larger or smaller, it does not matter. What matters is that I’m improving my health and enjoying my life.

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2 thoughts on “This blog is paved with good intentions.

  1. No shit?

    Well, congratulations to you. (Right?)

    And about all that exercise stuff: Maybe it’s easier for me, because of the way I am, to say “f*** off” to anyone who even thinks “fatboy” when they look at me. Maybe it’s easier because of all the jacked-up expectations put out there on women.

    You have to do it for you, or it doesn’t work.

    I just got tired of feeling lazy all the time, so I went to the gym and changed my diet. I just accidentally happened to lose 18 pounds. [/gratuitous bragging]

  2. Thanks j.d. ^_^ I’ll take the congrats. It’s a good thing, and good timing for both me and Joel.

    You have to do it for you, or it doesn’t work.

    Good post summary. And the thing is, I can’t try to mentally fool myself, either. I’ve done that, too. “Oh, I’m doing this to be healthy, blah blah” and that line was just that: a line. A bit of rhetoric to try and trick myself into losing weight. As long as weight loss was a goal, all I did was gain. Or, more commonly, lose a little and gain back more. I went on my first diet about 60 lbs. ago, when I hit that size 10. (And dude, you know me, I’m tall. A size 10 on me is skinny.)

    I spent a good chunk of my life watching my mom battle her weight, too. I got a lot of the hype from the same places she did — ads for Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Dexatrim and similar products, as well as from aunts, grandmothers, friends, boyfriends, and other people in my life who were all waiting to get thinner so they could accomplish some goal, which would, ostensibly, make them ‘happy’.

    Delaying living one’s life based on making changes to one’s externals is NOT a recipe for happiness, but for depression.

    The pressure on women to conform to an absolutely arbitrary standard of beauty, which includes fitting a particular size/weight range, is a strong force indeed. (More about that in another post — this comment is already long enough as it is!)

    Coincidentally, Joel commented the other day that I seemed to be very much myself at this size. I put that down to being aware and accepting of where my body is right now, and making that attitude a priority, instead of obsessing about changing it.

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