I suppose I could write, FFS.

This is one of the oddest things about pregnancy so far: that I have copious amounts of time, awake, late late in the evening. I’m usually dead asleep by at least eleven, and yet that has become the earliest time I actually turn in. I’ve spent, or tried to spend, a lot of that time online, usually reading message boards and hoping someone would post something, or hanging around in a chat room or eagle-eyeing both my Twitter feed and Google Reader, just in case someone posts something I can sink my teeth into, or at least amuse myself with.

I really don’t know what to do this late at night. I’ve never really done it before.

But, you know, I’ve had this thing called a blog for some time. Were I so inclined, I could, you know, write something.

I’m getting to the point, post-move, of having enough energy and concentration to start thinking again — real thinking, the kind I can devote to study or self-examination or pondering the universe. Being eight months pregnant is (much) tougher on my body than my mind, and, although I spend a lot of time being tired or sleeping because of the strain of carrying around a rather localized 25 lbs., I also am starting to get a little stir-crazy for something to sink my mental teeth into. I’ve considered brushing up on Latin/Yiddish/[Insert Language Here], or finding something to translate, or going to the library for some good feminist theory or general history to study, and yet the time hasn’t quite been right for any of these things yet.

There is yet much organizing to do, unpacking to accomplish, and I could theoretically do some of that in the evenings as well, although Joel might find it rather difficult to sleep while I’m bustling around. Besides, that’s not quite the kind of pursuit that my mind is looking for, although making things fit into spaces does get my analytical side going somewhat.

I feel like I’m waiting to settle down a bit, like there are a few more pieces that need to fall into place before I can act. It’s odd, because I don’t have any sense of panic or hurry; it’s just Not Time Yet.

So I write, here, in the hopes of getting going whatever it is needs to be started; in hopes of finding whatever it will be that will be enough.


3 thoughts on “I suppose I could write, FFS.

  1. You could write haiku! No better time for writing haiku than in the late late night.

    Alternately, a colleague and I are going to start a writing group… just sort of a catch-all for people who are interested in writing creatively or poetically or humorously or blogariffically, but could use some motivation and some feedback. Holla if you’re interested. : )

  2. Hi Jocelyn!

    Good to hear you’ve already made yourself at home in Philly! Normally I keep opinionated book recommendations to myself (it’s a form of unasked for advice giving. Seriously. The phrase “You know what you should read…” is second only in obnoxiousness to “You know what you should do…” No. I don’t know, but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me!) but since you mentioned wanting to read some good feminist theory, I’d like to recommend a couple of books by Judith Butler; Gender Trouble, and Excitable Speech being the two I’ve read. She definitely falls prey to that annoying post-structuralist obscure language that threatens to alienate the audience, but despite critics’ argument to the contrary, I think there are some extremely important real-world lessons to be learned. If academic and activist are two different things, and I think they sometimes are, then Butler falls squarely in the midst of the former. That having been said, the latter can find a wealth of useful wisdom in her writings. I dunno. She definitely completely changed the way I conceptualize my feminism.

  3. I’ll take book recommends from you, Cat. It’s only obnoxious when it comes from people who really don’t know my interests (“Yeah, this author wrote this great book extolling the virtues of Pauline theology…”).

    You, however, have a solid Cloo x 4. I’ll see if I can find one or both of those at the Free Library (good chance, I’d say) whenever I get around to going (hopefully soon!)

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