Balance: I needs it

It’s a daily, near-constant struggle to (attempt to) achieve, and requires endless maintenance.

But still, it’s worth it all. It’s always worth it.

I’m not even trying to balance a job with all this, yet I find myself quite busy enough, thanks, just trying to keep my sanity and the kiddo fed. It’s getting easier, and yet I can’t seem to get caught up. I think the sleep deprivation is getting to me, and staying with me, even though I’m getting more five-, six-, even seven-hour stretches.

Parenthood is definitely not for the faint-of-heart.

Medical bills (most from the birth) have been piling up, and that’s a stressor, although my mother has been able to help me out a great deal in getting those things paid off (“pay it forward”, she always says, followed by “you just have to take care of me when I’m old”). Financially, our heads are just above water, which is good enough for me right now. Things could be much worse in this economy.

But remembering my own needs (eating well, getting enough daylight, taking care of my wonky back via yoga or chiropractic, getting to the dentist soon) is the most difficult of all, and I only seem to remember them when things go wrong, when something gets out of balance.

Still, the way of life is error-correction. Turmoil is to be expected with a new baby in the house, no matter how sweet-natured and good-tempered. Things change. Change disrupts the patterns in daily life, and as mine weren’t all that strong to begin with, it may have upset the equilibrium, if not the actual scheduling. I am, in some ways, looking forward to the changes this will inevitably produce, because I will, hopefully, develop some more of the self-discipline I’ve heretofore lacked, in order to combat the chaos inherent in new parenting. Already I’ve noticed myself trying to “make the best use of time”, grabbing 5, 10, 15 minutes here and there to wash dishes, knit, read, or just rest. It may be that I begin to marshal myself into some semblance of an orderly life, taking those precious hours during the little one’s afternoon nap for some sort of self-enrichment, or even start taking on translating gigs, and begin to regain a feeling of self-sufficiency, even if actual financial self-sufficiency is still a ways off.

It’s a goal. I’m on my way to it, even if I have only made a small start.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s