Here, and not here

So today I logged into WordPress in definitely more than a year (probably more like three), to have a message announcing to me one very interesting thing:

Today is the 10th anniversary of my signing up for WordPress.com with this email. Who knew?

I mean, I’ve been on WordPress for longer than that, I think. But as a medium for my life and writing, it’s been largely abandoned for some time. It’s in good company: I’ve likewise left Blogger, LiveJournal, DreamWidth, Twitter, and a host (ha) of other services, some of which don’t exist anymore. I’ve spent roughly the last 20 years trying to organize and/or express myself online — since the days of GeoCities, in fact. Pre-Yahoo! GeoCities.

I’m no more organized about this now than I ever was; I’ve drifted back to Tumblr in the past year, creating yet another account, theoretically devoted to fanfiction writing…but of course, it’s now become an amalgam of fandom, feminism, and whatever other random things catch my interest.

Why is it that, every time I present myself online, I feel compelled to compartmentalize everything, splintering my interests until they’re littering the interwebs? And then, when I’ve tired of trying to find every bit of it, I create another page just to try and contain all the pieces? I have lost count of all the iterations of myself, and lost track of all the places I left them.

A lot of this mania has been fueled by the Next New Thing – coming to WP after Blogger, Twitter after Facebook, Tumblr after that. I’ve slowed down, neglected to automatically adopt WhatsApp and Snapchat, leaving those for other (younger) people with more time and, honestly, emotional energy.

If nothing else, I suppose that onset of inertia will bring the fracturing of my online presence to a halt, at least eventually.

 

The gender of junk food in Disney’s short film “Feast”

Wherein Disney does nothing new whatsoever.

Scenes of Eating

This weekend, I went to see Big Hero 6 as a well-deserved break from the looming work deadlines that have been keeping me from my blog. (I do miss it when I can’t get at it! My draft box is full of half-baked posts that I’ll probably cut loose and publish when I’ve finished my seasonal projects.) Big Hero 6 is a wonderfully entertaining movie that plays a willing audience’s heartstrings like a fiddle. I enjoyed the roller coaster of feelings, not least because the ride was guided by a cast of male and female characters with distinct personalities and interests. It’s nice to see a few different forms of diversity at play in a blockbuster, and it’s particularly nice to see female characters that challenge some traditional feminine roles while cheerfully embracing others like it’s no big deal. Like real people do. (I’m partial to the character of Honey Lemon, who is Disney-princess-pretty but neither…

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Vacation = Writing Time

Yep, this is pretty much it.

I’m still writing fanfiction, and since there’s a finish-your-fic challenge going on in a forum I participate in – a challenge which just happens to begin at the same time my child-free summer holidays begin, well… Let’s just say I couldn’t say no.

This long weekend couldn’t come soon enough. Last night was a great start, because I was at McGillan’s last night, watching this:

MissFareira, performing a cover of ‘Roar’ for her set opener. It was late (she went on at 11 p.m.) and I was caffeinated, and a good time was had by all.

Today’s going to be a whatever-we-want-to-do day, and after this week at work, I’m certainly ready for it. I’m set to write something, somewhere today, muse willing, and brain able to concentrate.

Coffee and breakfast will help both of those. Jo out.

There IS time to write.

I stumbled upon a lovely little blog today, one which I am very glad to have run across. It seems that one of my new favorite authors, Sharan Newman, is (and has been) contributing to a group blog called The Ladykillers – a collection of ten mystery writers who, well, write: about writing, certainly; lately, about food in writing (Sara will approve).

I started to comment on a recent post there, and, well, it turned into a blog post.

I have recently begun writing fiction, allowing myself the luxury/crutch of starting with fan-fiction, just to see what happens. What has happened is that 15,000 words and two plots have come out of my hands onto a blank computer screen in my spare + commute time in the last month or so.

There is, truly, nothing like that feeling of bumping along, words flowing out, meshing, drawing in bits and details that you wrote about yesterday or last week. The only comparable thing thus far is returning to a story, to a place where I’d been stuck, and having the solution work itself out right there in front of me.

This is where the fan-fiction makes it freeing, of course, instead of terrifying – I don’t worry about other people liking it, because I do, at that’s what matters. But the next step might be writing up that original fiction I started last year, and see where those thoughts take me.

So blog comments turn into blog posts now. Sidebars in the admin backend remind me I used to write haiku. The words pour out, my voice is found, and my mind is busy and free – and content.

Had I but world enough, and time

Home sick = time to write, it seems.

I hadn’t realized it, but I’ve had this blog for … more than 11 years.  Yes, it’s sat largely abandoned since the summer after grad school, and I do occasionally re-commit myself to it, for at least those thirty minutes I think I have time to say something.

I feel the emptiness in those convictions at the moment.  I know how my life will take over, and I won’t write, because I won’t take time to be quiet enough to think.  How I’ll run on fumes and stress until I collapse, and then there’s no time.  There are so many things that are missing from life just now that were a permanent fixture in 2001 when I started this blog.  I was still singing regularly then.  In fact, I had just been to New York on a choir trip two months before.  I sang at the High Holy Days services still.  The previous summer I’d gotten my first apartment. I lived alone.

There’s more reminiscing to be done here.  But now it is, like it always is: I write, and life decides it’s time for me to do something else.  This time, my child (nearly 4 now) has decided to lay out a picnic for us this afternoon, and has raided the picnic basket for silverware and the refrigerator for fruit.

There are worse reasons to end a blog post.

Simplification

Break down, pare down.

I spend so much of my time swirling around in my head that I just don’t focus on much, and when I do, I often get distracted on the way. I am still so comfortable with the chaos that I create it if it doesn’t find me, and my online life is a reflection of that: fragmented, scattered, and, for the most part, neglected.

Apropos of nothing, as it were.

I, like so many people in this linked-in age, have come to think of relative luxuries like Internet access and smartphones (without which we lived quite comfortably, before their invention) as basic to life, if we think about them at all. They are, for many of us, assumed. Assumed to be true, present. The question isn’t “do you?”, it’s “which one?”

I was even a relatively late adopter, buying an iPhone 3 in the summer of 2009, right after the launch of the 3GS and a fortuitous bit of grandmotherly surprise money made it “affordable”.

Actually, it just paid for the hardware.

After “only” paying $30 a month for unlimited data for almost three years, I realized how much I could have used that $1,000 or so, especially if it had been applied to those pesky student loans or something of that ilk.

It should be noted that I’m composing this post on a smartphone. Ahem.

All ironic self-awareness aside, I’m hoping to cut that expense, and do something useful with it. I’ll still use the existing hardware, reduced to wifi, and probably sense little difference.

After all, a commute is easily filled with knitting projects and library books.

On the Road Again

Another day, another ambition abandoned.

I started a new blog, Asana Year, about two weeks ago, intending to do, and blog, yoga on a daily basis.

Hahahahahahahhhaa, I hear you say.

Actually, that was me. I know my propensity for what my fellow Ravelers call “startitis” – great ideas with inadequate follow-through. I knew it when I started the site, just like a few others I’ve made – and some I’ve joined.

It started with Geocities. I have a long history of aimless Internet presence.

To which I say: So frikkin’ what?

I love order. I find it comforting. I want to compartmentalize my life until it ticks happily along without my interference or maintenance.

Life just doesn’t work like that.

If I am disordered, or haphazard, or neglectful of my ambition-of-last-week, OK. As I have occasionally proven to myself, I do come back to previous endeavors. If my focus is elsewhere, fine. If this is the way my mind works, devouring interests in fits and starts, then that’s what I’ll go with.

I discipline myself to concentration and persistence in my job, 40 hours per week. If the rest of my mental exercises are scattered as a result, let them scatter.

Chances are they need it.

Reading + Writing + Revamp

I picked up an old friend tonight.
Plain book cover image, title reads: An Introduction to Old Norse by E.V. Gordon

After five years, I finally feel like studying again. And writing too, although what outlet (and how much energy for that outlet) I’ll have at the end of 12-hour days is up for debate.

Not that I have time to, of course, but I might revamp the site a bit soon. I feel like having a place to write again, and making it mine for how I am now, not the me of 2009.