Even if you’re not a teen in the midwest…

you should seriously check this out: The Midwest Teen Sex Show. Savvy, snarky, and funny as hell.

Go! Watch! It’s three minutes (per episode) of your time well-spent.

[via Feministing]

Courage

Declaration: I am a feminist.

I. Am. A. Feminist.

I am a radical feminist. I believe with all my being that all women are human beings, inherently worthy of all the rights and dignities that other human beings (men) enjoy.

I have been hesitant to ‘out’ myself to certain people I know; mostly conservative men, all of whom have no actual authority over me, some of whom are relatives, all of whom I consider to be friends. I have been afraid of losing their friendships and love because of my beliefs.

No more.

If I can remain friends with them, despite having serious objections to some of their beliefs, then they can remain my friends, if they don’t agree with me. If they can’t they were never friends to begin with. If they can’t love me and know I believe these things, they cannot really love me.

We women are asked, every day, to be silent about disagreeing with others so that we don’t upset them, so we don’t ‘rock the boat’, so we ‘aren’t a bother’.

No more.

Listen up: I am a radical feminist.

I don’t believe in limiting a woman’s control over her own body; I don’t believe any man has any right to exercise any control over a woman’s body, mind, speech or actions; I don’t believe any woman has any right to control other women either, whether of her own choosing or in the name of a man.

I believe anyone who attempts to control women’s bodies, minds, speech or actions are misogynist: including rape apologists, rape celebrants, Men’s Rights Activists, promoters or supporters of pornography, promoters or supporters of prostitution, people who seek to limit or obstruct women’s access to health care, contraception, safe and legal abortion, STD prevention, higher education, a living wage, food for her children, her choice of partner(s), her choice of clothing, her choice of sexuality and sexual expression, her bodily autonomy.

If any of these terms or concepts are confusing to you, or if you aren’t sure what I mean by any of them, you may read for yourself at any of the sources listed below. I will be happy to have a civil conversation with any of you about any of these things, where ‘civil conversation’ means you listen to what I have to say, and I listen to what you have to say, and we respond to each others’ concerns. Basically, all the caveats of this blog apply.

If you cannot understand, that is fine. If you will not try to understand, or will not read those things which I suggest that might help you understand, I will have neither sympathy nor time for you. If you cannot treat me like a human being, I will not stay around for the abuse.

---

Places to Learn:
Finally, a Feminism 101 Blog
Official Shrub dot com Blog (right hand menu)
Andrea Dworkin, I Want Twenty-Four-Hour Truce In Which There Is No Rape

When the hormones do the grocery shopping

Theobromine, the active ingredient in these delightfully potent cacao nibs,
is what I need to just survive some days.

…this is what I get, really, and I deserve it completely.

wherein the author actually deconstructs something.

An acquaintance from way-back posted this li’l “funny” to her LJ a few days ago, and I posted an evaluative response in the comments [no direct url, sorry, but it’s the first one].

I was curious, especially since I’d just put my big-ol-burgeoning-feminist opinion on her LJ*, exactly why she had posted that, and considering she listed her mood as aggravated, I thought of two possibilities:

1) Either she was aggravated at the thing she posted
or
2) She was aggravated at something else, and therefore posted it.

Possibly the two were unrelated, but I asked. She replied:

At this time in my life, i think i posted it because it was funny and because I’m sick of men who only want sex. Ya know what I mean?

My first response was:

Yup. That’s a frustration I know about.*** I’m sorry to hear you’re being pestered. My (angry, frustrated) response to that sort of thing was always “fine, see if you get ANY.” The “I’ll have sex when I want to, and you can’t make me, so nyah” response. Not my favorite, but sometimes the only thing that gets (got) listened to. Or not listened to.

So, yeah. I get ya. *HUGS*

What I thought about posting after, but didn’t, ran something like this: “Yeah, and then when I want(ed) to have teh sex, I felt I couldn’t because I’d be giving in again” + “Even if you do say that, it’s not always listened to” + something else I’ve forgotten just now.

I wasn’t done yet. I couldn’t just let all that go.

Then I had a Second thought: The list isn’t fair to women. The long list o’ requirements that women supposedly expect from men, some of which are not necessarily important… I mean, “love shopping”?, and the combination of which is clearly impossible, is used to characterize women as impossible to please.

Follow this with the short, lust-based men’s list, which, while treating men as animals who are subject only and always to their basest selves, use the concept of men having ‘simple’ desires to shame women into submission: men’s desires, unlike women’s, would be so easy to fulfill, i.e., women ought to fulfill them, and be grateful men aren’t as ‘demanding’ as women are.

Part of me still wishes I could see this as funny. Right now, though, it just looks like an example of what men pushing for sex would say (have said) in order to get their way: “You women are so hard to please… why won’t you do the one thing to make me happy?”, or “Look at all the stuff you expect me to do; and you can’t/won’t do this One Simple Thing for me? You obviously don’t love me.”

Guilt trips = emotional manipulation. Full stop.

Something else interrupted the Second thought: Yeah, the list is funny, if you look at the first list as what would be appreciated If only that were something women could sanely do. But from where I’m sitting, I can’t, and won’t buy into that sort of stuff anymore. To me, the entire purpose of “funnies” like this, subconscious though it may be, is to shame women back into “their place” (see also, “The Husband Shop” in this post).

So no, dear, I don’t think it’s funny. I can appreciate that you might, and that at one time I would have too. Then, though, I was playing into the ‘shaming women into sex’ game, and suffering from it as a result.

*and yes, I felt like I was forcing it on her**. Not really sure why; looking at that.
**this might have something to with the fact that the topic relates directly to pushing something unwanted on women, and I don’t want to be even remotely associated with rapist-like characteristics, even though this is 1) just my thoughts on a topic and 2) I dont’ hold a position of power/privilege over her and 3) she is free to delete/edit comments on her own site. Talk about being overly cautious.
***In previous relationships. My husband, my dearest one, is a partner in the truest sense of the word, and is by no means implicated in this. Anyone who implies otherwise will have me to deal with.

Here comes the theocracy

The first full sentence to hit my ears this morning was from an NPR report that the Supreme Court has voted to hold up partial birth abortion legislation. What I first heard, however, was this:

The decision, written by Justice Anthony Kennedy, stated the right to legislate on moral grounds … and that there would have to be proof that a significant number of women would be harmed by the legislation for it to be struck down.*

Calling out the NYTimes Mag.

Quiz time: Where did I find this picture? If you had to guess where it came from, what would you guess?

‘Cause me, I’d never have believed it came from an article like this one in the NYT Magazine. Not one detailing how many, many women soldiers come back from Iraq and other active duty locations with PTSD because they were raped by fellow soldiers.

To be fair, I didn’t find this one myself. Via Twisty, where much good discussion is already taking place.

I have many things to say to all this, all of which stretch my creative cursing ability.

I was browsing blogdex this morning, and I came ac…

I was browsing blogdex this morning, and I came across this: Europe’s First Brothel for Women Goes Bust. Apparently the patron(esses?) only paid the service what they thought it was worth. There’s something strangely… right about that.

*deep breath* i have often heard that you know …

*deep breath*

i have often heard that you know what people are really like by how they act when they are sick. i believe that tragedy also brings out qualities that, if not hidden, were at least dormant.

tragedy also forces people to deal with their problems, and determine what is really important.

i have been having problems with intimacy lately — simply not being comfortable in close situations. it took me a couple months and a lot of learning to be able to talk about that, but i finally have. in the face of recent events, suddenly this issue that i had put off talking about became important. it was the right time tonight.

details are not important here; but i communicated what i had been feeling, and how long; that i didn’t know the cause, or the cure, if any. the most important thing is i don’t want to make any sudden changes — or repeat past behaviors that have not worked.

my first reaction when i come to an uncomfortable spot in a relationship is to turn tail and run. as soon as i feel like something is ‘wrong’, i assume that it’s a problem in the relationship, and that if i were able to do something about it, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. so i bolt — usually straight into another relationship just like it.

that is my ‘stinking thinking’.

i don’t have to do it that way anymore. it’s really hard not to — like trying to put the other foot in the pants leg first — but all i can do is try something different, no matter how awkward it feels. the something different that i’m trying this time is to stick around, and wait and see.

what i have to do is get quiet — repeatedly — and ask myself how i am today. i also give myself permission to do or not do as i am comfortable only. i’m looking at how i really feel — and why — and what my motives are.

‘i don’t know’ is a scary answer. but so far, it’s the only one i have.